What do you do when you can see someone going down a long dark road, holding onto optimism, that has only let them down before? Yet clinging to the feeling that it can't get any worse, and this time will be different, when we all know that it won't. But, pray silent prayers that maybe, just maybe, it will. What do you do when someone is pulling someone elses strings? What do you do when they have always been there for you, and while you can be there for them, you just can't save them?
What do you say when someone you love and know so well, can't make you understand why this is the road that they must take? Why they just can't let it go? How do you watch with dry eyes when those actions are hurting others? When the one who is causing the hurt, is hurting too?
What do you do when everyone has turned their backs on someone and you are one of the only ones still around? What do you do when you are left hurting so badly when they are hurting, that you just want to save them from themselves...but can't?
What do you do when you see someone you love acting out? What do you do when they have so much love for you but at the same time really can't stand you? What do you do when patience is gone? When they hear you, but don't really hear you. What do you do when you just want to talk some sense into them, but they aren't trying to hear it? What do you do when you are trying to save someone from regrets, but they just won't listen? What do you do when you have come to accept that you have hurt them deeper than they have hurt you? What do you do when they are still holding onto shit that you have long since forgotten about? What do you do when you really just want to say "Build a Fucking Bridge" but you do care and don't want to do any more damage?
What do you do, when really there is nothing left to do? What do you do when walking away is not an option?
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Yes it is true, Baby Carter is here. This has been the topic of conversation for almost everyone in America but now Beyonce and Jay have finally welcomed their new baby girl…BLUE IVY CARTER. Sources say that she has Jay's nose, ears, and mouth….I think the only thing we really wanted out of that list was the ears but nonetheless, the blessing of life is so amazing and I am so happy for them. Also now the Smith Family is not alone because another Black Dynasty is in the making. Trust me, there is no way Lil Blue is not destined for some musical greatness.
I know it will be a long time before we see Blue's face but at least we have heard her cry in this touching song that proud papa, Jay Z, wrote for his baby girl and released yesterday. It is called "Glory." Check it out below…..
GLORY featuring Jay Z and Blue Ivy Carter:
|THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL!|
Wow, here we are in 2012. The number 12 signifies faith, or the things of love and the derivative of faith in one complex. In my spirit, I truly believe this year will be a pivotal one for me. This year I have already seen my strength coming through in terms of my relationships and the ways things have unfolded in the last couple of weeks. The type of courage and fearlessness within me is something I haven't experienced ever before in my life. I know this is going to sound cliché but I am feeling like I have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Maybe because I know that I've given up a lot of my life and energy to things that didn't serve a real purpose in helping me to get to the next level -- great physical health, healthy relationships, and the life that I imagined I would be living at my age.
I'm a woman who has endured the deepest of battles within and I'm a woman who has been unable to emotionally detach from those that I loved even tho they didn't love me. The ones who showed me that what they were selling wasn't something I shouldn't be buying but yet I never quite made it out the store. I allowed myself to be degraded and disrespected by men. I allowed myself to be manipulated by members of my family and friends. I allowed myself to believe that it was never going to be any better so I settled for less. I forgot my value and when you forget your value, you put yourself in situations that are beneath you and subject yourself to unacceptable treatment.
I am so happy that life continues to show me the light and it hasn't made me bitter or hateful but instead thankful to be stronger and wiser. I have experienced things in this life that I would never wish on someone else. Yet in this day and age I recognize that almost everyone's life is uncertain but for me personally, I've been dealing with things way heavier than I ever expected to encounter so early in my life. Mainly things focused around my mother and the state of her world. Everyday working towards making good things happen for her despite our challenging relationship and her unfortunate circumstances. Though often I find myself with the difficult decision of sacrificing my life for the choices that she has made or forcing her to be self-sufficient and find her way to work things out on her own. A difficult decision because this year I want to not sacrifice so much of me anymore but that often makes me feels selfish and extremely confused.
In order to justify how I feel, I constantly tell myself it is okay to be selfish because in order for anyone to get to your next level of greatness you have to embrace yourself and your needs. Still I find even after saying that, my heart ends up confused and starts pulling me in a million different directions. At end of the day, this is my mother and people I love so all I want to do is be able to love them with everything, receive their love, and give back to them everything they have given to me. It is in my confused state that I find myself giving too much and not having anything left to give me. I swear life is HARD AS HELL and it ain't getting any easier, it is actually becoming more difficult because youth is no longer on my side. YES THE LOVEQUEEN IS HEADED IN THE DIRECTION OF BEING REAL FREAKING GROWN.
Also this year I want to work on my "LIP SERVICE", I can talk a great game about what I am going to do and what I am going to accomplish and where I am going to be but somehow those words are short-lived and the actions become reflective of that. This year, I am making a promise to no one else but myself that everything may not be perfect but I am not going to lose focus on the things that are important to me.
I have faith that in this 12th year of the millennium, I wiIl let go of everything that makes me feel or act less than I am destined to be. I will prepare and dream of my "knight in shining armor" that is coming to rescue me with his love - the patient, kind, and considerate love that I have always wanted. He will make me laugh, challenge me to be better, support me when I need it, and respect my love the way I will respect his love. I will make better choices in every aspect of my life so that even if I don't lose every pound this year or I don't move to New York that I will still be working towards everything that aligns with my purpose in life.
MISS ME WITH THE B*LLSHIT AND THE DISRESPECT…This year the only game I am playing is TABOO so don't say the wrong word B***H, matter of fact…plz don't say shit!
However Adele, the British bundle of talent, also inspired me by ROLLING IN THE DEEP and singing SET FIRE TO THE RAIN. She showed me how eventually you gotta dry those tears and move the hell on with your life. My boo, RIH RIH, told me CHEERS and said don't let the bastards get you down…turn it around with another round. *glasses filled with COCO Ciroc clinking*
Rihanna, I swear love you like a fat kid loves cake, and I really know how that feels because I'm chubby and love some cupcakes.
RIH you also gave me the know how to say TALK THAT TALK to me all night and let my WB know You DA One that I think about all day, you DA one so I make sure I behave. And I love that WE BOTH FOUND LOVE IN A HOPELESS PLACE....
Here is one for the road………..AND OF COURSE, IT’S THE MOTTO #YOLO
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
#TRUTHIS I am over the boys and ready for the men aka nice southern gentleman. I let myself step out on the ledge with someone who I wouldn't normally give the time of day to and that is not because he wasn't cute but because I could tell from our first meeting that he lacked the personality I liked. I should have trusted my gut because he ended up being a punk A** too. I know we are in a new age of text messaging, facebooking, and tweeting but if you wanna get to know me then none of those means of communication will work for me. I want someone who will pick up the phone to ask me about my day and let me know how his day was as well. Texting is very impersonal and I feel like brothers you need to get your game up if that is what you are on because it is not the hotness. If I am just going to be a jumpoff then let me know so I can decide if that is what I want to be but don't text me while trying to build a friendship because I will bore easily. #DONE
CHECK OUT THIS ARTICLE: http://hellobeautiful.com/hellobeautiful-original/christiemaillet/dont-let-technology-mess-up-real-life-relationships/
|My new watch...loves it!|