Wednesday, January 25, 2012

What do you do?

What do you do when you can see someone going down a long dark road, holding onto optimism, that has only let them down before?  Yet clinging to the feeling that it can't get any worse, and this time will be different, when we all know that it won't. But, pray silent prayers that maybe, just maybe, it will. What do you do when someone is pulling someone elses strings?  What do you do when they have always been there for you, and while you can be there for them, you just can't save them? 

What do you say when someone you love  and know so well, can't make you understand why this is the road that they must take? Why they just can't let it go? How do you watch with dry eyes when those actions are hurting others?  When the one who is causing the hurt, is hurting too? 

What do you do when everyone has turned their backs on someone and you are one of the only ones still around?  What do you do when you are left hurting so badly when they are hurting, that you just want to save them from themselves...but can't?

----Part II---

What do you do when you see someone you love acting out? What do you do when they have so much love for you but at the same time really can't stand you? What do you do when patience is gone? When they hear you, but don't really hear you. What do you do when you just want to talk some sense into them, but they aren't trying to hear it?  What do you do when you are trying to save someone from regrets, but they just won't listen? What do you do when you have come to accept that you have hurt them deeper than they have hurt you?  What do you do when they are still holding onto shit that you have long since forgotten about? What do you do when you really just want to say "Build a Fucking Bridge" but you do care and don't want to do any more damage?

-----Part III---

What do you do, when really there is nothing left to do? What do you do when walking away is not an option?  


Friday, January 13, 2012


#TIKC 2012
As Big Boi from Outcast would say "We outchea!" 
Happy New Year (19 days in) ;0!

I am alive and GOD is so GOOD!  This year is filled with infinite possibilities and I embrace any day that the LORD has made!  I do not claim to be a regular church goer. In fact,  I am looking for another church home. But, I definitely believe in prayer and giving GOD the glory. Amen.

In my search for another church home, I decided to give Empowerment Temple a try.  I have been hearing about this church for years now.  Rev. Jamal H. Bryant, the pastor, is a Morehouse Man, and his church has a very large following in Baltimore.  I already knew it was going to be packed and that there would be some catchers of the Holy Ghost and some "Look at your neighbor and say..." , ( that actually bypassed my expectations).  But, really, I was just hoping for a great choir, great Sunday school and a sermon that speaks to me.  All in all, we had a pleasant experience and felt very welcomed at Empowerment Temple.   Unfortunately, Sunday school was not in session that day, so most of the sermon was over my daughters' heads.  But, I will be back to support my Morehouse brother and his fancy gold chair ;).  However, the search is definitely still on...

#TRUTH IS 2011 was what it was.  It wasn’t that year that I was ready to kick the hell out, like some of them have been. But, I was cool with it's departure, as there is always room for improvement.  2012’s arrival was kind of comme ci, comme ca for me.  I mean in 2011, I found my first grey hair! Now that is some memorable stuff!! But, on top of that, I paid off my car and was introduced to my new white boo, Jackson Teller! *Thank you, LQ!*

So, hello 2012!  I am ready and a willing and active participant.  I can already see some positive changes (Whoop) and I can already forsee some challenges. That's cool. That's life, so I welcome them both!  Every day is another chance to learn and to apply life’s lessons. Experience y'all... You know the saying.  

Just do the best you can and be good to people. As long as I am at my best, that is all that I can be.  We can only be responsible for ourselves.  (I will also claim that responsibility for my divas).
Oh, and for goodness sake, let Karma do what it do in it's own damn time. It may not seem to go at the speed that you want it to, but be patient. I think we have all seen it in action, when we least expect it. 

This year, I also intend to take better care of my body (mind and soul) and get regular checkups. (I encourage you to do the same)  I am cool with "When it's time to go, it's time to go". But, while I'm here, I have to do my part.  Sooo, Zumba is my new BFF- I absolutely heart it. (I may even go for my certificate). Pork is now a fair weather friend that makes visits less and less.  Enriched flour is gone and spinach salad has slid on into home plate.  Soda has been on hiatus for a minute, but about once every couple of months, that craving for a good burn has me hitting up the 7-11 for a quick hit.  Fortunately, water has become my boo and is always there for me with some cubes of ice. The hard part is going to be that damn nicotine. I am claiming that will be a thing of the past in 2012, too.  It’s a process, but its time.

So, I got until September to really work it on out- you know, for KAPRIL 2012! Y'all ain't gonna be able to tell me NOTHING, come Kenny and April's wedding! Just have your people call MY people! See you in N'awlins, baby!! *wink*

OK, back to it... In 2012, I intend to continue speaking up and letting everyone that I love- know it.  That has worked pretty well for me.  I need for it to be real clear to my people how I feel about them.  No regrets and no wish I woulda, coulda, said or dones. 

#TRUTHIS As I watch the passings and age progression coming over my grandparents generation. I wonder to myself when did all of this happen?  I look at my parents and their contemporaries and wonder the same thing.  Then, I look at myself and mi amigos and as the 20 year reunion emails come in and the 15 year college reminders come and go- I think to myself.  Well, Damn!!! Then, I look at my babies... My youngest is now 4 and oldest is 7.  That shit right there is what really makes time a straight up blur.  And, I KNOW time is flying when I'm not even looking for the party on New Years Eve!  I'd rather bring it in with the ones closest to me.  That is what truly matters most.   

So, having said that? Can anyone recommend any good anti-aging products? J


Wednesday, January 11, 2012


I don't know why but this extra cracks me and I love that lil WB's swag....lol  I could definitely see my crazy butt doing this in the future. 

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

A New Black Dynasty Begins....BLUE IVY CARTER IS HERE!

Yes it is true, Baby Carter is here. This has been the topic of conversation for almost everyone in America but now Beyonce and Jay have finally welcomed their new baby girl…BLUE IVY CARTER.   Sources say that she has Jay's nose, ears, and mouth….I think the only thing we really wanted out of that list was the ears but nonetheless, the blessing of life is so amazing and I am so happy for them. Also now the Smith Family is not alone because another Black Dynasty is in the making.  Trust me, there is no way Lil Blue is not destined for some musical greatness. 
I know it will be a long time before we see Blue's face but at least we have heard her cry in this touching song that proud papa, Jay Z, wrote for his baby girl and released yesterday.  It is called "Glory." Check it out below…..

GLORY featuring Jay Z and Blue Ivy Carter:



Wow, here we are in 2012.   The number 12 signifies faith, or the things of love and the derivative of faith in one complex.   In my spirit, I truly believe this year will be a pivotal one for me.  This year I have already seen my strength coming through in terms of my relationships and the ways things have unfolded in the last couple of weeks.   The type of courage and fearlessness within me is something I haven't experienced ever before in my life.  I know this is going to sound cliché but I am feeling like I have nothing to lose and everything to gain.  Maybe because I know that I've given up a lot of my life and energy to things that didn't serve a real purpose in helping me to get to the next level -- great physical health, healthy relationships, and the life that I imagined I would be living at my age.
I'm a woman who has endured the deepest of battles within and I'm a woman who has been unable to emotionally detach from those that I loved even tho they didn't love me.  The ones who showed me that what they were selling wasn't something I shouldn't be buying but yet I never quite made it out the store.   I allowed myself to be degraded and disrespected by men.   I allowed myself to be manipulated by members of my family and friends.  I allowed myself to believe that it was never going to be any better so I settled for less.  I forgot my value and when you forget your value, you put yourself in situations that are beneath you and subject yourself to unacceptable treatment.  
I am so happy that life continues to show me the light and it hasn't made me bitter or hateful but instead thankful to be stronger and wiser.   I have experienced things in this life that I would never wish on someone else.  Yet in this day and age I recognize that almost everyone's life is uncertain but for me personally, I've been dealing with things way heavier than I ever expected to encounter so early in my life.  Mainly things focused around my mother and the state of her world.  Everyday working towards making good things happen for her despite our challenging relationship and her unfortunate circumstances.  Though often I find myself with the difficult decision of  sacrificing my life for the choices that she has made or forcing her to be self-sufficient and find her way to work things out on her own.  A difficult decision because this year I want to not sacrifice so much of me anymore but that often makes me feels selfish and extremely confused.
In order to justify how I feel, I constantly tell myself it is okay to be selfish because in order for anyone to get to your next level of greatness you have to embrace yourself and your needs.  Still I find even after saying that, my heart ends up confused and starts pulling me in a million different directions.  At end of the day, this is my mother and people I love so all I want to do is be able to love them with everything, receive their love, and give back to them everything they have given to me.  It is in my confused state that I find myself giving too much and not having anything left to give me.  I swear life is HARD AS HELL and it ain't getting any easier,  it is actually becoming more difficult because youth is no longer on my side.  YES THE LOVEQUEEN IS HEADED IN THE DIRECTION OF BEING REAL FREAKING GROWN.  
Also this year I want to work on my "LIP SERVICE",  I can talk a great game about what I am going to do and what I am going to accomplish and where I am going to be but somehow those words are short-lived and the actions become reflective of that.   This year, I am making a promise to no one else but myself that everything may not be perfect but I am not going to lose focus on the things that are important to me. 
I have faith that in this 12th year of the millennium, I wiIl let go of everything that makes me feel or act less than I am destined to be.  I will prepare and dream of my "knight in shining armor" that is coming to rescue me with his love - the patient, kind, and considerate love that I have always wanted.  He will make me laugh, challenge me to be better, support me when I need it, and respect my love the way I will respect his love.  I will make better choices in every aspect of my life so that even if I don't lose every pound this year or I don't move to New York that I will still be working towards everything that aligns with my purpose in life.
People say I'm a dreamer and what I want isn't possible but I will continue to dream and have faith because I AM AN ETERNAL OPTIMIST.   I believe that all good things come to those who work, wait, and pray all at the same time.   Don't let em steal our joy this time around…BE FEARLESS, FLY FREE, AND IN TIME LIFE WILL SHOW US THAT OUR DREAMS ARE MEANT TO BE!
"You can't get to your future, when your past is your present" - CARRIE BRADSHAW


MISS ME WITH THE B*LLSHIT AND THE DISRESPECT…This year the only game I am playing is TABOO so don't say the wrong word B***H, matter of fact…plz don't say shit!
In 2011, I listened to Adele a million times, which by far was my favorite album of the year, and I have cried to I'LL BE WAITING for you to love me again then I fantasized about my SOMEONE LIKE YOU but guess what?  I was trippin the F out with that.  Why the hell would I want someone like either of them?  Both were complete DICKS, A-HOLE #1 loves me tho & dayum he got a BIG STICK but I find it funny that A-HOLE #2 thought I was pressed for his SHIT & LITTLE BIT! Those 21 years old chicks can have it...A MAGNUM SIZED EGO WITH REGULAR CONDOM SIZED GOODS! SUPER WACK!   
However Adele, the British bundle of talent, also inspired me by ROLLING IN THE DEEP and singing SET FIRE TO THE RAIN. She showed me how eventually you gotta dry those tears and move the hell on with your life.  My boo, RIH RIH, told me CHEERS and said don't let the bastards  get you down…turn it around with another round. *glasses filled with COCO Ciroc clinking* 
Rihanna, I swear love you like a fat kid loves cake, and I really know how that feels because I'm chubby and love some cupcakes.
RIH you also gave me the know how to say TALK THAT TALK to me all night and let my WB know You DA One that I think about all day, you DA one so I make sure I behave.  And I love that WE BOTH FOUND LOVE IN A HOPELESS PLACE....
Don't get me started on RIH and Drizzy because I stay singin "If you let me, here what I'll do, I'll take care of you" But that was in 2011 because this year, someone's gotta take care of me too.   And then there is the MOTTO, OMG I LOVE THAT SONG SO MUCH… "The pimpin ICECOLD, all these B's wanna chill"….I swear he took a Bay type beat and dropped some of the hottest fire ever.  Dude is hella talented whether he is sensitive or not.
And what a year for my boyfriend Breezy, who I am so attracted to with his blond hair and all.  LOOK AT ME NOW, I'M GETTING PAPER, FRESH THAN A MF.  It was the anthem for most of the year and I swear ALL YOU NEED IS HITS AND PEOPLE WILL FORGET! Take note T.I.
Then there is Bey who is insanely talented but unfortunately many of us slept on the 4 album that is super rocking,  We like to PARTY is the jam that gets everyone moving to the dance floor and LOVE ON TOP is what every woman wants to feel about their man. She unveiled that song and her belly holding the firstborn baby in the Bey and Jay dynasty….I love them.   For the record, I CARE, I MISS YOU, AND START OVER were all bangers so listen if you ain't heard .
Also in 2011, I fell in love with a Redhead and a raspy soulful woman….Her name is Florence and she is backed up by her MACHINE.  CEREMONIALS has touched my spirit, no shade….I LIVE FOR HER AND HER MUSIC!  Never Let Me Go makes me wonder about the questions I have for a sinner like me.  Lover to Lover makes me see that I'm alright with the fact that there may not be any salvation for me.  And well Shake It Out taught me that it is hard to dance with a devil on your back so you HAVE TO SHAKE IT OFF.
I could continue on but I won't.  I just really love music so much and everything I listen to relate in some way to something I am going through in my life…..I can't wait to hear what kind of songs will touch me in 2012.  Stay tuned because you know I will keep you posted.

Here is one for the road………..AND OF COURSE, IT’S THE MOTTO #YOLO

Tuesday, May 31, 2011


#TRUTHIS  I totally F'd up by not getting in better shape by the summertime. While I am definitely coming more and more into my own as well as accepting myself for how I am…FLAWS AND ALL, I still should have had my ass in the gym like I said I was going to.  Hopefully it is not too late to drop some pounds before the b-day celebration in MIA.  The gym is back in my weekly routine because it makes me feel so much better focusing on my body and my health.  After a weekend of piggin the hell out…LITERALLY because that pulled pork was the damn truth in North Carolina, I know I want to make better decisions about what goes into my mouth. (y'all could take that somewhere nasty, I know I did)

#TRUTHIS I am over the boys and ready for the men aka nice southern gentleman. I let myself step out on the ledge with someone who I wouldn't normally give the time of day to and that is not because he wasn't cute but because I could tell from our first meeting that he lacked the personality I liked.  I should have trusted my gut because he ended up being a punk A** too.  I know we are in a new age of text messaging, facebooking, and tweeting but if you wanna get to know me then none of those means of communication will work for me.  I want someone who will pick up the phone to ask me about my day and let me know how his day was as well.  Texting is very impersonal and I feel like brothers you need to get your game up if that is what you are on because it is not the hotness.  If I am just going to be a jumpoff then let me know so I can decide if that is what I want to be but don't text me while trying to build a friendship because I will bore easily. #DONE

My new watch...loves it!
CHECK OUT THIS ARTICLE: http://hellobeautiful.com/hellobeautiful-original/christiemaillet/dont-let-technology-mess-up-real-life-relationships/
#TRUTHIS  I have spent so much money on new goodies this week that I could have surely taken a vacation with the cash I dropped.  Still I had fun and I love love my new watch, handbags, shoes, and dress that I bought.  I swear I needed to treat myself to something new like MJB said in my favorite song "Just Fine". I have actually been label whoring it up with everything from Marc Jacobs to BCBG to Michael Kors to Gucci.  It is purely shameful and I need to keep my butt out of the stores.  

#TRUTHIS God's love thrills me, I don't know what I have in store for the future but I speak greatness, I speak love, and I speak contentment.  I know my path has not been paved with gold but it has been tiled with lessons that I will carry with me for all the days of my life.  I have given my heart to a man or two but my mind was always kept for me - no one drove me crazy, no one made me feel like I didn't want to live, and no one took away the little bit of peace that I keep tucked away in my mind.  As my cousin Ione tells me regularly, "Don't let em have your mind." However I am human so some days I do feel discouraged but I know that happens and I refuse to beat myself up on the days when I have strayed away from thinking that will manifest a destiny greater than the one I have foreseen.
#TRUTHIS I am a wild girl but if you choose to hop on this roller coaster then you are guaranteed a good time.  However don't come to my ride closed to possibilities or lifeless because I am no longer providing therapy sessions upon arrival. Now I will love your complete self and should trouble arise on the down slope of this roller coaster then I will be there to push you back up to the highest peak.  In return, I ask that you would do the same for me.  I want you to accept this ride just as it is and if you expect changes then you should be instrumental in the change.  Don't just sit back barking at me because that will disturb the peace I feel when I am riding high.  People often say I appear scary (got a hard shell to crack) but once you get over that first uplift, the fear should immediately subside and before you know it, you are having the time of your life.  Now who's ready for some fun?